Our Possessions- Are they a Gift or a Burden?

I often times find myself working with a family hanging on to other's possessions because of what these things meant to the original owners.  Garages and storage rooms become overflowing with stuff that we will never have a use for, but we cannot bear to part with them because of the obligation we feel to them.

Sandra was one of those individuals.  Her father, still living in the family home after her mother passed several years before, had a massive stoke, and had to move into a skilled nursing home.  She was faced, not only with having to move him and help him adjust to a new life there, but also, she was faced with the ultimate downsizing and sale of her family home that she grew up in. 

In the basement were boxes of momentoes, Mom's antiques, Dad's gun collection, china, knick knacks, and relics of the 50's, 60's and the 70's.  The memory of Mom using and enjoying these things weighed heavily on her, as she faced this overwhelming task of honoring these things as an extention of her parents.

Have you ever heard the old saying, “If you love someone, set them free”?  Well, the same applies to stuff.  I hear so many people talk about their cherished possessions that they can’t bare to part with.  No doubt you have heard your parents talk about their possessions, and you feel the obligation to honor them with the same reverence as they do. Granted, these items are in the garage or in storage under a pile of other stuff and a layer of dust, but it is “important.” 

If it is truly valuable/important/sentimental, it should be in an important place, well cared for and utilized.  Your grandmother’s hope chest is not being valued if it is under boxes, dust and possibly be chewed on by field mice in your garage.  It should have an important place in your home.  If you don’t have an important spot for it, then set it free.  Ask other family members if they have an important spot for it. If no one has a good place for it and it is a historical piece, contact the local historical society to see if they are interested.  It will be well cared for and preserved rather than become lunch for hungry termites.  In other words, set it free. Your parent's "stuff" is not them. 

Something else I hear often is that people are saving these invaluable pieces for their kids.  I want you to take a moment here to think about whether this is a loving gesture or a future burden for your children.  What are the odds that your child will someday have room for or even want Grandpa’s fishing pole collection?  And will your child someday take that collection because they want it or because they feel obligated?  After all, you have been saving it for them for all these years.  Are you giving your child a gift or placing burden on them? 

Being in the "sandwich generation", between generations, we boomers are often times the holders of our parent's possessions, and also our own.  Remember, if your children are adults, please talk to them.  Ask them what they want with an open mind.  You might be surprised at what they think is valuable or worth keeping.  And remember that if they don’t want it, that isn’t wrong.  It just means that they don’t see the same value in it that you do.  The time to liberate these items is "now", not later.

Don’t get me wrong – some things are worth saving and passing on.  But think long and hard about what you save.  Especially if that which you are saving for *someday* is getting in the way of enjoying today.