Holiday Blues

The Holiday Blues - Is it Grief or Depression?

The holidays bring about varying aspects in regard to our senior parents.  If they are near, no doubt they are lucky to be with family, and yet often Mom & Dad live a long distance away, and they are alone.  This of course can bring about an escalation of symptoms of depression that lie beneath the surface.

The very nature of depression interferes with a person's ability to seek help.  Unfortunately, all too many depressed seniors fail to recognize they have symptoms of depression, or don’t take the steps to get the help they need.  Our parents’ generation often doesn’t ask for help or talk about things that make them feel vulnerable, and thus, it is not surprising that so many of adult children miss it.

First of all- let’s be clear:  Depression is NOT a sign of weakness or a character flaw. It can happen to anyone, at any age, no matter your background or your previous accomplishments in life. 

Yet, life events like retirement, the loss or death of friends, moving, or changes in lifestyle- as well as health issues can cause at the minimum, Grief.  Often however, grief can lead to Depression. Left untreated, depression affects much more than just mood. It can impact physical health, impair memory and concentration, and prevent Mom & Dad from enjoying life.

Whether it’s a loss of independence, mobility, health, or someone you love. Grieving over losses is normal and healthy, even if the feelings of sadness last for a long time. Losing all hope and joy, however, is not normal.

After a significant loss, many senior adults may experience all kinds of difficult and surprising emotions, such as shock, anger, and guilt.  While these feelings can be frightening and overwhelming, accepting them as part of the grieving process is necessary for healing.

During the holiday season, symptoms of depression can escalate- as special memories of holidays past can creep up and bring about despair and overwhelm. At no time in the year can the feeling of despair and loneliness be stronger.

Is it grief or depression?

Ask yourself- Has my parent lost interest in the activities they used to enjoy? Do they struggle with feelings of helplessness and hopelessness? Are they finding it harder and harder to get through the day? If so- it may be a symptom of Depression.  Key factors in noticing depression symptoms are:

1       Intense pervasive sense of guilt

2       Thoughts of suicide or being preoccupied with death and dying

3       Feelings of hopelessness or unworthiness

4       Increased consumption of alcohol or drugs

5       Isolation or withdrawal from social activities and friendships

6       Slow speech and body movements

7       Insomnia, or over-sleeping

8       The inability to function in daily activities:  Lack of interest in personal grooming or cleaning

9       Hoarding or increase in clutter in the home

Because grief and clinical depression have similar symptoms, knowing the difference between them isn’t always easy.  However, there are ways to tell the difference.

Roller Coaster vs Rolling Rock

First of all, grief is a roller coaster. It involves a wide variety of emotions and a mix of good and bad days. Even when you’re in the middle of the grieving process, you will have moments of pleasure or happiness. With depression, we equate it to a rolling rock-, which is unable to be moved.  It is a constant heavy momentum of feelings of emptiness and despair.

While there’s no set timetable for grieving, if it doesn’t let up over time or extinguishes all signs of joy—laughing at a good joke, brightening in response to a hug, appreciating a beautiful sunset—it may be depression.

If you feel like your elder parent may be depressed, there are many things you can do to help.  Contact your parents’ physician, and seek advice through geriatric counselors.  Senior depression can be treated, and with the right support, treatment, they can feel better and live a happy and vibrant life.