Their Voices in Our Heads are Ever Present
Lets face it. As much as we have fought for our own individuality as adults-
We are the product of our parents.
Our Founder shares her thoughts and insights about how our mental sanity is often times connected to our parents:
How often I go through my day with Mom’s or Dad’s voice in my head.
“If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”
“An act of kindness is never a bad thing”
“Always put others before yourself.”
“Don’t sit and do nothing! Get busy!”
“Don’t waste time.”
“Blend- don’t stand out.”
"Be Patient."
Mom was a product of Swedish immigrants. Having parents from the old country, it was their culture to always “make nice.”
Dad however, had a very different idea of the world. Being the alpha male he was, he was always the pioneer in business, and always walked uncharted ground. He defined himself through his accomplishments, and it was likely his opinion that I would not live up to his expectations unless I blazed the trails along with him.
And therein lies the paradox. Do I “make nice”, or do I “blaze the trail”? How can these things come together? Fact is- they don’t. We must choose what our identity is in life, and no wonder we as adult children can have conflicts with our parents. I remember making that choice on who to follow, and thus, my future was carved out by some simple decisions that I made. To blaze the trails few have walked, which meant Mom and I were often times at odds.
What I wasn’t prepared for was the guilt I would feel because I wasn’t always the daughter she hoped for. I never gave mom grandchildren. Luckily she did have them through my siblings, but yet, we were never, “like mother, like daughter” or were we?
As I have gotten older caring for her, blazing the trails just don’t seem as important anymore. Instead my heart wonders about her path in life. I find myself thinking about the relationships in my past that were lost from my thirst for achievement, and I see now, where Mom’s voice is becoming louder in my mind and heart.
What a journey this has been with you, Mom. You have taught me more in the past five years about who I am, than you ever did in my youth. Thank you for giving me the honor to put you—in front of me, and for giving me the tools to deal with you, when your Dementia takes hold of your mouth! Thank you for being the gracious one who always appreciates the little things I do, and for your forgiving nature when I don’t visit as often as I should. Thank you for teaching me about patience with others, so that I could be patient with you. Most importantly, thank you for loving me enough, to allow me to make the mistakes I have by caring for you.
What are the voices in your head from your parents?
What are the sayings that ring in your mind that you remember?
How have these voices shaped you to who you are today?